


Confession Redux

by DilynAliceBlake



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Disguise, Drugs, Drunk Decision Making, Forbidden Romance, Incest, Love Confessions, M/M, Masquerade Ball, Mutual Pining, OOC, Out of Character, Pining, Regret, Twincest, blackout drunk amnesia, but i wanted, he would never actually be this ashamed, ooc remus, remus makes a lot of bad decisions and roman is stupid enough to compound them, they're both idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:14:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25764244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DilynAliceBlake/pseuds/DilynAliceBlake
Summary: I made a prompt on tumblr specifically because I didn't want to be the one to write this story.  I still want other people to fill said prompt and write different takes on this story.Basically I'm setting it up so by the time Remus gives Roman what he thinks is their first kiss, Roman has kissed Remus enough times to recognize who is behind the mask.https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/pumpkinpadparadscha/625781458427068416
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Comments: 11
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

The first time Remus confesses, they’re fourteen. It’s the first time Remus has ever been drunk, and he’s swaying dizzily as the words he’s dropping change Roman’s entire life. Remus talks about how much he loves him, and about  _ how _ he loves him. He laments the fact that, even as royalty and heirs to the crown, they’re too closely related for anyone to overlook the taboo. Remus begs him not to agree to any arranged marriage prospects with tears in his eyes, declaring his ardor and how he couldn’t bear the jealousy. And Roman, who’s never even thought about any of the people that have been constantly paraded in front of him in any way except abstractly, can’t help but agree. He doesn’t doubt that what Remus feels is real, and more than he cares to cement their country’s alliances through some advantageous marriage, he doesn’t want to risk making Remus sad.

Roman doesn’t go on any more courting dates or meet any more pointedly single nobles. Remus doesn’t remember it in the morning, but he doesn’t drink any more, and the circles fade from under his eyes. The entire time Roman hadn’t even cared, and Remus had been mourning. So Roman won’t get married, he decides, unless he’s really in love. It would be cruel otherwise.


	2. Chapter 2

The second time it happens, they’re sixteen. Remus is curled up around a potted begonia, throwing up into the roots of the plant, and seeing the disarray of his clothes, for a moment Roman fears the worst. Then he hears what Remus is bemoaning.

“I’m going to be a virgin forever,” he whines, eyes clenched shut tight. He looks startled to notice Roman’s presence at all when the firstborn prince prods him for more.

“I couldn’t do it,” Remus laments. “I couldn’t let him touch me. There’s no reason at all for me to feel guilty but all I could think about was- Was  _ you _ .”

Roman swallows hard at the confession. To know Remus loved him was one thing. To know Remus felt jealousy, another. But that his feelings were so strong as to sway him to the exclusion of others- It was dizzying.

“You’re allowed to sleep with whomever,” he tries, but Remus’ lower lip starts to wobble, and Roman just knows that giving his permission won’t help anything. It will only make Remus start to cry. It’s worrying, but there’s a heady sense of power to the idea that Remus loves him so dearly that being with anyone else feels like a betrayal. He tucks his brother safely into bed, and doesn’t think about any of his own growing feelings of potential jealousy. There’s no reason for it. Nothing had happened, by Remus’ own admission. Besides, his brother is hardly his property.


	3. Chapter 3

The third time, Remus doesn’t mean to confess. Whatever concoctions he’s imbibed are meant to make his planned attempts easier, but when Roman sees him straddling someone, cravat askew and pupils blown, he can’t take it. Remus shouldn’t have to resort to- This, just to be able to let others touch him. 

(Roman hates to see others touch him, and only half of that is the stubborn look of unvoiced discomfort as Remus tries to make himself go through with it.) 

Roman drags Remus away from the party angrily, blood boiling and rage turning into temper.

“What were you thinking!” he demands, both of them on the cusp of eighteen and the responsibility that will bring. Remus knocks the wind out of Roman’s sails when he replies.

“I’m trying to get  _ over you! _ ” Remus shouts, accusatory like his feelings are somehow Roman’s fault.

“Why would you even attempt to sleep with him, he’s thrice our age! You could do so much better!”

“I don’t want to do better when nobody could ever hold a candle to you!”

Maybe it’s the tone in Remus’ voice, or the idea that no matter what Roman does here and now, there’s no way Remus won’t try again, whether or not he really wants to. Maybe it’s the sight of the hickie.

Roman’s control slips, and he shoves Remus into the nearest wall. When he kisses him, all the breath leaves Remus in a whoosh.

“It doesn’t have to be someone so unworthy,” Roman whispers, looking into his brother’s eyes and offering him this. “If you want it to be me, it can be me.”


	4. Chapter 4

In the morning Remus is wearing a dozen new hickies and can’t remember who gave them. He aches from his head to his toes, and in places he’s never ached before. He did what he set out to do, and refuses to regret it, no matter how much he doesn’t want to think about anyone but Roman touching him. Every time he looks at the marks he can’t help but imagine how Roman would have looked making them. Nothing changes between them.

Roman tells himself that it doesn’t matter now if Remus decides he wants to be reckless. He made their night the best it could be, and whether or not both of them remember it, Roman is the one who has his brother's virginity.

It’s only fair, he thinks. He gave his own in exchange.


	5. Chapter 5

Their first time together, it turns out, isn’t an anomaly. It happens often enough that Roman becomes able to recognize the signs. On the nights at dinner when Remus can’t meet his eyes, steeped in repressing his feelings and the accompanying guilt. The times when Roman has some duty or another that means he’ll have a long trip, and will be leaving town. Remus turns to liquid courage and inevitably stumbles into Roman’s rooms.

“Before you go, I have to confess-” he’ll start, worried that something will go catastrophically wrong and this could be his last chance to say it.

“Ro, I’m terrible, I’ve been lying,” he’ll say, wracked with guilt for what he’s feeling and on his knees in supplication. Roman hates that Remus truly thinks himself unforgivable. He insists that it’s okay, that nothing Remus could confess would ever drive him away. He assures Remus, every time the fear overtakes him, that Roman will love him no matter what. And then Remus will confess his feelings.


	6. Chapter 6

Sometimes he says it like it’s a challenge. ‘Look,’ his eyes express, ‘See the worst of me and admit you want to turn away.’ Other times, Remus will sob out the truth, shame seeping from every pore. Roman can’t stand to see him that way, and anything he says is taken as a lie. “You’re just humoring me,” Remus bemoans, “You don’t want to admit you’re disgusted, but it’s okay, I know I’m-”

Roman has learned that no amount of arguing Remus’ many virtues and positive traits will stop such a spiral. Somehow or another, the solution is always the same. Roman isn’t repelled by the things Remus wants and thinks of him. He’s willing to prove it.

Remus never remembers the next day.

When Remus is sober, he is Roman’s brother. When he isn’t, he is Roman’s lover. No matter how many times the pattern repeats, it never carries over into the next morning. Remus will go back to hiding and shame, and Roman can’t pressure him for more. Years are spent in this torturous limbo, where Remus doesn’t know that acceptance is just a few words away, and Roman can’t bring himself to force a confrontation. Not when there’s a risk that Remus might want something different, by the light of day. Remus is already repelled by his own feelings. If he knew that Roman had started to return them, what would he say? If he knew that rejection wasn’t what a confession would bring, would Remus still come to meet him? Or would his self-loathing mean that he would find Roman’s easy capitulation untenable?


End file.
